I had actually forgotten that I used to blog (lol).
Well, I disconnected to reconnect I guess.
I am currently on a break! Work break. My official reason is a physical and mental health crisis, but primarily they were the mental health issues that worsened my physical health to a point where 'quit to live' was the only choice I had.
Anyway, since my break commenced, I have been receiving several compliments on being brave enough to do this. Overwhelming. And that also makes me realize that many of us wish to take these breaks but don't.
Why?
Understandably, some are probably the primary breadwinners for their family, or dealing with a financial crisis. Fair enough. But, I have also come across many, literally 'many' people who are reluctant to take work breaks as either they fear too much, or because they need a better than a better life, competitive lifestyle, tons of desires to fulfill ASAP. Again, fair enough.
Matter of fact, they say 'Money can't buy happiness' but money can buy tickets to places, delicious food, and many luxuries, which pretty much makes us happy. Just that, sometimes weighing needs to be done on what's more important. This time, my health and peace weighed more.
Just like many of us, myself and my husband perform our corporate duties to live a decent life.
It has been 4 months of my break now, and after about 2 weeks of not-logging into my work-mails, strong emotions of guilt, fear, uncertainty and worthlessness started popping. The guilt of not earning while still spending, the fear of missing out on the market and being left behind, the uncertainty of even being considered or being discarded in the professional atmos, and questioning my self-worth as success is measured by profiles and packages primarily. That is how we are raised right? Score high marks, be the first rank holder, find a job that pays well, at least pays better than your cousins and neighbors. Right?
Well, these emotions still knock my brains sometimes, but now less often. They are gradually getting replaced by gratitude, and self-love. Sounds like any other "trending statement" on the internet, but it means a lot. A hell lot! I am so freaking blessed to be able to live peacefully while not having a constant flow of salary. That however, comes with many compromises of materialistic desires, which I was scared to make.
Now coming to 'Self-love'; it is way too underrated. It is very easy to like and connect with people, it is also easy to find people with matching vibes, but it is extremely hard to love oneself. We find flaws very easily, unknowingly we spot them more often in ourselves, even when we think we condemned somebody else. Finding the bright corners within, is very tough and worth every sacrifice.
Since the last two months, I have been doing all that I always wanted to. Nothing, yet a lot!
I have joined music classes to refresh my long-lost voice, I'm painting, making crafts, binge-watching, getting to do regular exercise without any mail or WhatsApp popping every 5 minutes, dancing when I feel like it, spending time with my cat and noticing how loud he can purr. Can't believe I never noticed. And there are days when I feel like doing nothing, and just do it!
All these months have made me realize HOW BADLY stress can affect oneself. Stress caused me insomnia, chronic health issues, anxiety, demotivation, agitation and what not. If I would have continued, I would probably have done worse to myself and the organisation as well.
I am still uncertain and fearful of what lies ahead. Who would want me after a long gap? How much am I missing out in the digital space? What kind of roles will I be offered next? Will I have to deal with a compromised package? Will my job be the only thing defining my success? ....Will this break cost me a lot? Maybe. Maybe not. But what I have right now, is incredible and I will cherish every minute of it.
Like I said before, disconnecting to reconnect is how it works. 'Rest' is as important as hard work. Take it when you can. It may come at a cost, worth paying.
Hope you all have a healthy and happy week.
Hope I be back stronger and level up my game in the corp-space.
Felt like sharing...
Cheers!
